An appropriate conversation
We are taught to beware of strangers while travelling. Not to take food, talk or give lift to them. I have been following the learning and it has kept me safe till now. It must be the spiritual and positive vibes of Rishikesh that while returning to Delhi on a late evening I put my guards down. Lost in my memories of the past 2 months of people, places and experiences, I was reluctantly driving back towards “normal” life . While crossing a bigger town my eyes spotted a failed effort of a man in his early 20s trying to stop a bus. In that moment I was able to empathize with the disappointment on that person’s face. My car stopped beside the man without a thought in a Zen like flow.
Rolling down the window I asked how far ahead he plans to go. I was enjoying my solitude and didn’t want to compromise that for very long. “To a village 4–5 Kms ahead” the person replied in a soft voice with a smile. After a quick assessment of the placement of my belongings, I let the person in. With the corner of my eye on the person I started driving ahead. Due to a longing to stay back I was listening to somewhat mellow songs. The person was bewildered by seeing my bike and gear in the back instead of a seat. He initiated the conversation. “You have been carrying a lot of stuff in the car. Where are you going ?”. “Yes. Delhi” I replied briefly, thinking about his intention. While his eyes were all over the vehicle, I could feel his gaze intermittently. “What do you do ?” I asked the question to engage his mind. He informed me that he works for a government agency and commuted daily using either public transport or by taking lift. “Permanent Job ? Must have cleared some tough exam” asked my commitment phobic competition exam hating self. “Yes. But got it through a connection.” The voice had grown more softer as the conversation progressed. “What do you do?” he asked. I had no intention of discussing my work thus taking the opportunity to polish my fantasy story telling skills, I lied “I am a travel guide in Rishikesh”.
He was looking dead in my eye every time I looked at him. This would have normally made me uncomfortable but no, I was recharged and calm as a rock. After a minute of silence he said “You have grown your hair quite long”. “I haven’t visited a barber for 7 months” I said a bit proudly. “They look good on you.” he said. Now I had been getting complimented for my hair but this was the first time it was from another man. I played cool and expressed thanks but my spidey sense was getting activated. Next he complimented my beard and suddenly moved his hands towards my knees. This was the moment my spidey sense was alarming me. At any other time I would have slammed the brakes and would have exploded my anger on him. But zen, I had been trying to live as a calmer and peaceful human. Though the conscious brain overcame the anger instincts, still I almost screamed ”Hey! Hey! Bro. Stop !”. He stopped but didn’t seem to be deterred by my reluctance. “What man ? Chill, we are not going that way” I clarified. “But you helped me by giving lift. I want to return the favor” he said with his now familiar feminine tone. “No ! It’s alright. I just wanted to help. I need no favor. Relax !” I said while focusing back on the road. He seemed to resettle in seat now.
“Do you live alone ?” I asked this to overcome the awkward silence but then a second later felt that it might not have been the best question to follow up the previous happening. “I mean where does your family live. Who’s there in your family” I justified myself. “I live with my parents and sister in the village”. That moment, I felt the person next to me as a son, a brother. The question did it’s work by releasing tension from the atmosphere. “What do you do apart from your work” I asked as I am always interested in what moves people other than money. “Nothing, I don’t get much time from work and chores”. I felt sad just imagining that life. “And you were doing this for money ?” I couldn’t resist bringing the reality back. “No. I feel good doing that.” he said with a straight face. Intrigued, I asked “Please don’t mind me asking but how do you recognize yourself ? A man or woman”. “I like being like a girl.” he said calmly. “Does anyone know ? Have you shared this with anyone? ”. “No, I am like this only when I am alone. In the village I have to behave as a normal boy.”I was no more fearful or uncomfortable. There was no twisted mind sitting beside me. I could feel the plight this person would have faced while accepting his nature and then making a conscious choice to keep it to himself for his loved ones. We exchanged names. I asked him ”Why did you approach me so confidently. Don’t you feel that people might get offended or angry.”. “No, most people don’t say no”. I was somewhat shocked by his answer but banked on his honesty.
I was now comfortable and wouldn’t have minded carrying out this interesting conversation for a bit longer but the guy informed me that his village is coming just across the road. He got out of the car quite fast. Before closing the door he said, “You are a good person. Thank You!”. I replied ”You too are a nice person.” We bid goodbyes and he left. I quickly checked all my valuables again. Then taking a deep breath, I felt grateful for the experience and drove ahead.
P.S: If we believe in the anecdotal evidence by the person then many more people are open to homosexuality than we assume. The idea behind sharing this incident is to request acceptance and respect from society for those who recognize themselves differently. To give everyone a freedom to approach and freedom to deny. Following this may down the line reduce the barriers in our society which are leading to some horrendous incidents.
